Dumbest questions with the best comeback!!
Well, if you’re Indian, you know the feeling..
Q. What does that red dot on women’s forehead mean?
A. Well, in ancient times, Indian men used to practice archery by aiming for the red dot on their wife’s forehead.
In fact, this is one of the reasons why they had many wives.
Q. You’re from India, aren’t you? I have read so much about the country. All the wonderful places, the forests, the snake charmers, the elephants. Do you still use elephants for transportation?
A. Absolutely. In fact we used to have our own elephant. But later to save air, we started elephant-pooling with our neighbors, You see elephants have an “emissions” problem…..
Q. Does India have cars?
A. No. We ride elephants to work. The government is trying to encourage elephant-pooling schemes.
Q. Does India have TV?
A. No. We only have cable.
Q. Are all Indians vegetarian?
A. Yes. Even the tigers are vegetarian in India.
Q. How come you speak English so well?
A. You see when the British ruled India, they employed Indians as servants. Since it took too long for the Indians to learn English, the British isolated an “English-language” gene and implanted it into their servants’ babies and since
then all babies born in India speak perfect English.
Q. Are you a Hindi?
A. Yes. I am spoken everyday in Northern India.
Q. Do you speak Hindu?
A. Yes, I also speak Jewish, Islam and Christianity.
Q. Is it true that everyone there is very corrupt?
A. Yes, in fact, I had to bribe my parents so that they would let me go to school.
Q. India is very hot, isn’t it?
A. It is so hot there that all the water boils spontaneously. That is why tea is such a popular drink in India.
Q. Are there any business companies in India?
A. No. All Indians live on the Gandhian principles of self-sufficiency. All of us make our own clothes and grow our own food. That is why you see all these skinny Indians.
Q. Indians cannot eat beef, huh?
A. Cows provide milk which is a very essential part of Indian diet. Therefore, eating cows is forbidden. However in order to decrease the population of the country, the government is trying to encourage everyone to eat human meat.
Q. India is such a religious place. Do you meditate regularly?
A. Yes, sometimes I meditate for weeks without food and drink. But it is difficult to keep my job, because I have to miss work when I meditate like that. But the bosses there do the same thing. That is why things are so inefficient there.
Q. I saw on TV that people there walk on burning coals. Why do they do that?
A. We don’t have shoes. So we burn the bottom of our feet to harden it so that we can walk.
Q. Why do you sometimes wear Indian clothes to work?
A. I prefer that to coming to work naked.
Q. How do you celebrate Thanksgiving day in India?
A. By roasting an American.
Most of these have been over the phone in conversations with curious Americans and English people who seemed intrigued that they were talking to an Indian. All these date back to the mid 2000’s.
1. Is it true that your country doesn’t have electricity?
(No, we live in forests that are littered with landline phones; so we can talk to you. Grrr.)
2. Is it true that snakes abound in your country and are all over the place?
(Yep. We usually wrap them around our necks in the morning like pashmina shawls, before stepping out.)
And the best, by one annoyed Englishman, who tried to insult my English.
3. Ha, I bet you can’t spell f-u-c-k (he said these letters aloud) now, can you boy?
I said, “I think you should’ve either said the word, or asked me to pronounce it, sir.”
At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/ friends at Cinemas
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:- Don’t you know, I steal tickets from people and sell to the cinema
When I lived in Japan my dear father (not worldly) asked me, “do they have gas stations over there?”
Followed by, “do they have black people there?”
This is a question that my mini project mentor (pre final year project) asked me while we were presenting our idea about an android application that we were making !
Teacher : Okay , student tel me what your project is ?
Me : We are working on such and such android app with these set of features !
Teacher : Okay, very good but which operating system will you use for your android app , Symbian ?
Me : No , ma’am android ! ( Killing myself over and again in my head )
Answering a call at my home:
Friend: Hey dude, where are you?
Me: At pizza hut, I took the landline with me….
Background: I’m an American of Chinese and Japanese descent (japanese from my mother’s side. This happened while I was growing up in Colorado during elementary school.
Friend in Colorado: So why do Japanese people eat dogs?
Me: Japanese people don’t eat dogs! You’re getting your stereotypes mixed up!
My Teacher: Yes, Andy, Japanese people DO eat dogs.
Another one, this time directed at my sister.
Girl: Are you black?
My sister: No.
Girl: Then what are you?